Submitted by: Sandip Kaur Rakhra
Speech performed at the Domestic Violence Forum: Intergenerational Issues and Solutions on Thursday, October 4th, 2007 at Langar College in British Columbia, Canada.

It is true that within a patriarchal society men and women are treated quite differently; women are somehow seen as inferior compared to men.  Within this society there are different expectations from a son than there are for a daughter.  But why?  Why is there a need for differential treatment between sons and daughters? Are they really designed to perform those individualistic tasks society sets out for them?  Is it not possible that a son can take on the role of a daughter and cook and clean?  Is it not true that daughter can take on the role of a son and help pay the bills and take in her parents?  Why is a daughter always considered to be a “guest” in her own family’s home only to one day leave for another home? Since the day she is born she learns that it her job to uphold the family’s respect or honour. Wow! What a big responsibility for somebody who is not even considered an equal to her brother.  Since women are born they learn that they are not the same as their brother’s in the eyes of their parents, grandparents, and maybe even extended relatives.  Take for example the celebrations that take place for the birth of a boy…the handing out of sweets…and the parties in the halls…especially if he is born after his sisters.  Why don’t the girls have special parties thrown for them when they are born?  What message is this sending out to the young girls?  That they are not special?  That their family does not love them as much as they love her brothers?  What about when people MOURN when another daughter is born?  Instead of being grateful that their child is healthy and alive…they worry over the gender!  I don’t think anyone in our community can say that they have never experienced or witnessed this type of attitude towards gender regarding a child’s birth.  So what are the consequences of these attitudes towards women and what is its link to violence?

I have thought about these outcomes and this is what I believe:

It is these attitudes and treatments of boys and girls that hit them the hardest.  It constructs meanings in the mind of young children; the girls learn that they are not as important, that they are valued less than their brothers.  The boys learn that they are extra special and can get away with a lot more than their sisters.  Think of how this can affect the children in the long run.  Girls will believe that they are inferior which can lead them to having lower self-esteem and being passive women, which are the most susceptible to being abused. These are women that have spent their whole life thinking they are not good enough.  Men believing that they are superior will make it easier for them to want control in most aspects of their life including their relationships.  Growing up they have learned that women are not the same as them; that their value is less…which makes it easier for them to carry out acts of violence on “lesser beings”.