Submitted by: Parveen Kaur Sarana
Finalist in the “She Inspires Me” Literature Contest, Vancouver, B.C., Canada

The say you only live once, but I disagree. What I believe is that life is a golden opportunity to reach a self-realization. The one woman who got me to this understanding is a woman I will never truly know, but I was in her life for a few precious moments.

My father has always had a lot of problems with seizures and on many occasions has gone into the hospital for days at a time. On one such event it turned into about two weeks. One day while visiting my dad in the hospital at around nine-thirty pm an elder lady down the hallway beckoned me. I studied her face; her eyes were blank, and her face pale. I turned away thinking that I imagined it and again absorbed myself into my own problems.

The next morning, since it was a Saturday, my mother and I went to go pay my dad a visit. He was still sleeping when we arrived so to pass time I began walking around the room.  I stopped at the door. The old lady down the hall was wide-awake yet her face was still pale, but her eyes held an emotion in them, I couldn’t decipher. She lifted her head at the sight of me and waved her hand as if to call me over. I decided to go, drawn in by her helplessness. I walked cautiously over to her and then just stood there. I knew not what to do. She motioned towards her IV’s and I now recognized the emotion lying behind those clear, blank eyes. I saw pure sadness, it seemed as if she no longer wanted to live. Tears rushed to my eyes and she turned away as if it hurt her to see me in that state. I understood out meeting was over.

Sunder was a day I will not forget for some time to come. Every minute, every second was haunted by the dying eyes of the pale lady. Everywhere I seemed to glance they followed. Finally my mom thought it was time we went to go see my dad again. I gladly agreed to go along, more to see the pale lady.

We arrived at the hospital and my mind was a sea of thoughts. What is her name? Who is she? Why did she call me over? My thoughts we’re interrupted by my father’s welcoming hello. I answered not really looking over, still deep in thought. I lied about having to go to the washroom. I stood outside the room and expected to see the ancient pale face, but instead I saw an empty bed. I saw a nurse and questioned her about the lady. She laughed. My shock must have shown on my face because she quickly explained the lady had been crazy and was moved to a more suitable area. She had tried to pull out her IV’s that were keeping her alive. I asked if I could see her and was granted my wish.

I followed the nurse’s instructions. I came to a closed ward and as I opened that door I saw a cheerfully colored room that was out of place with the vibe of doom the room held. Not knowing the name or any other information about the woman whom I wanted to meet I tried to explain her to the nurse at the front desk. At once she knew who I must mean. She directed me to bed 9.

My heart seemed to stop for a few seconds as I walked to the bed of the emaciated lady. Her face seemed to glow a little as I walked in. Then again it could have been the florescent hospital lights. I waved a greeting and tried to smile but it turned into more of a confused frown.

The old lady motioned towards the many tubes running in and out of her body. I kind of shrugged to show my inability to understand. For the first time she spoke and her voice came out in a low whisper with an underlying scratchiness to it. She explained that she no longer wanted to live and life felt pointless to her. Then as if she had forgotten everything, she went into a wild story about her childhood. As she narrated the story her eyes weren’t seeing the real world and her voice was alive and happy. The dull voice spoke she said I’m going crazy please end my misery. Just finish me off now.

I was in complete shock I was being asked to commit murder. I tied to quickly end the conversation. I told her she’d be fine, and I’d come back tomorrow to talk to her. As I was turning to leave not really thinking about coming back, she spoke in almost a cry, “I won’t be here, it’s ending very soon.” I couldn’t look back I just walked back into my life.

The next time I went, I walked straight to her. My feet seemed to know the say so I didn’t focus on the signs. I saw the curtains drawn around her bed. I was scared to ask but I asked a nurse about her. I was told she had died in her sleep last night. It turned out to be only a few hours after I had left.

The woman who I will never know taught me so much in her last few days, even if that wasn’t her intention. She showed me how short life can be and how you should treasure it because you don’t know when it will be over/ I learned you can take a breath in but, you can never guarantee it will come out. I’d like to think I wrote this for her, but if was more for myself. To understand how much she affected me. Because of her, I researched my religion, and I learned that, death is nothing but the absence of life.